If You Can't Beat 'Em...

It's been like a scene out of Caddyshack - but with squirrels playing the lead roles.

Spring arrived in all its quick green glory, and so I headed to Costco for a new box of birdseed. The bird feeder, a long ago gift of sentimental value from a dear friend, was hanging on a low hook on the second story deck behind my kitchen. I dutifully filled it with new seed, and sat back to watch the birds - mostly cardinals and other songbirds, and an occasional blue jay who sprays the seed all around while picking out choice morsels.

The birds came, seed was eaten. I felt good about myself, feeding the mamas so they could feed the babies. The next day the feeder was entirely empty. They must be hungry, thought I. Filled it up again. Watched the birds. Empty next day. Hmm - definitely hungry, possibly a bit greedy. And so this went on for a week or two, until I finally caught a squirrel in the birdfeeder. Aha! I spent a large portion of that morning knocking on the kitchen window to make the squirrel leave.

So for a day or two, the squirrels would scatter when I knocked on the the glass. Then they hung tight until I opened the door. Then they hung tight until I got all the way out on the deck, defiantly staring me down until the last possible second - they are young 'uns, all full of punk-ass attitude.

So I moved the bird feeder. Hoisted it up so high that they needed to leap up a good three feet, and if they missed it's a good dozen foot drop to the ground. Hah - that should deter them. And so for a couple of days, the bird feeder was visited only by its intended guests. I even watched one of the punks get frustrated trying to leap onto the feeder. And then sure enough, the punk figured it out, and the feeder was empty every day again.

Well, rats. OK... I'll get a squirrel feeder. Cute little wooden box with a lid and a plastic front. Full of pumpkin seeds, corn and peanuts. And a stick to hold up the lid until they figure out how to open it (took all of a day). So now the punk and his buddies take turns fighting over who get to eat. And the loser heads off to the bird feeder anyway...